


propinquity (i've just begun to care)

by catboynagito



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Author Projecting onto Morality | Patton Sanders, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Not beta'd we die like men, Sad, could be platonic moceit but i lowkey wrote it shippy, not on purpose or anything i just. moceit!!!, self projecting onto fictional characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:54:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23999329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboynagito/pseuds/catboynagito
Summary: patton's emotions get out of control, and deceit helps him outspoilers for putting others first svs redux!!!!!! this is heavily canon compliant so!!!
Relationships: Morality | Patton Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 1
Kudos: 95





	propinquity (i've just begun to care)

**Author's Note:**

> if u couldnt tell i like self projecting onto characters :-)
> 
> title shamelessly stolen from the title of a song written by mister michael nesmith, a title which was recommended for use by my friend zoe who is an actual genius me thinks
> 
> also after listening to that song i REALLY got janus starting to care for the sides and not just thomas vibes. like if im being honest i hadnt heard it before writing this fic but like... JANUS VIBES YALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
> 
> @ mr tomathy sanders please put that song on janus' playlist when it's made ok thank youuu
> 
> anyway i hope you all enjoy :-)
> 
> get ya tissue boxes readyy~

Patton groaned as he woke up to tears streaming down his face once again. Bad dreams like…  _ that… _ were quite common for him as he was the side who takes care of all emotional-related things. It wasn't all bad, he was just overreacting, it was just a recount of what went down with Roman and Dece- Janus.

  


Every time he closed his eyes he thought of when he turned into Lilypadton, something that he resented for a long time, a manifestation of all of his emotions turning him into a hulk-like creature. He hated himself for letting anyone see that, as it just made them more worried about him than they needed to be. What they needed to do was focus on Thomas. Not Patton. They didn't need to worry about Patton's transformation, he didn't deserve to be cared for, especially when he lets his emotions do that to him. 

  


Tears which did not finish flowing from when he was asleep, did not want to stop. In fact, it felt as if a dam just broke in his eyes, as his sobs were the only thing heard in his room. Tears kept coming, making his onesie's paws all wet. He cried and cried until everything felt numb. Looking back on it, he had been the source for most of Thomas' recent emotional turmoils. That was… what  _ dark sides  _ do. Dark sides cause bad things to happen, causing Thomas to freak out, which causes a conversation, which then causes Patton to let his emotions get the best of him and make him lash out, which then either 1. makes everyone hate him or 2. make everyone worry about him, which then causes Patton to hide his emotions until he is able to go back to his room and cry it out. Because, as the fatherly figure, as Thomas' morality, he isn't supposed to make the others worry cause that was his job and oh god he's rambling but who is he rambling to? Why does he keep asking questions? Is that gonna make things any better? What if all of these questions he's asking himself end up finding their way over to Thomas causing even more problems-

  


The door opened. 

  


When did the door open?

  


Who opened it?

  


Patton could barely see due to his blurry, teary-eyed vision. He only saw a dark figure make his way into the room, slowly closing the door behind him.

  


"Patton?"  _ Janus. _

  


"H-Hey kiddo.." Patton was astonished at how broken his voice sounded in that moment. Janus would probably realize he wasn't worth the comfort and walk out, or reali-

  


He felt the bed sink down next to him. A hand was slowly put down onto his thigh, as if to comfort him. "Patton. Could you please tell me five things you can see?"

  


"I… my bed, ah…" Patton looked around for things to name, worrying that he could possibly mess  _ this _ up too. "My o-onesie… The floor… My cat slippers… And…" Patton paused. "Your hand. On my thigh."

  


Janus smiled, although Patton couldn't see it. "Good. Four things you can feel?" 

  


"M...my fluffy blanket, my glasses, my onesie, and…" Patton moved his hand onto Janus', which still resided on his thigh. "Your hand." He noticed that Janus wasn't wearing his signature gloves. 

  


"Three things you can hear? You're doing amazing." Janus whispered.

  


"The song I have stuck in m-my head… My s-sobs, a-and… your voice." Patton could feel his own anxiety being lifted off his shoulders, at least for a short time.

  


"You're doing good, alright Patton? I just need you to name two things you can smell."

  


"T-the birthday party-scent candle I have, and… The smell of cookies? On your breath?" Patton let out a small giggle. His hand remained on top of Janus'.

  


"Good. Last one? One thing you can taste?"

  


"T-The taste of cookies…" Oh yeah, they had cookies earlier. Baked by Patton.

  


"Good job, Patton." Unsure of what to do, they both sat in silence.

  


Patton looked over to Janus. "Thank you, Janus. Y-you can go…"  _ Please don't.  _

  


"Patton… Remember what I said about mental health? I don't know why you're in here having an anxiety attack, and I won't pressure you into telling me what happened, but…" Janus took in a big gulp of air. "Please. You need to stop being so selfless. You're clearly not expressing your emotions correctly."

  


Patton looked at him with an almost… scared look. "Y-You… I… No one was supposed to see me like this…" All that was heard was a shaky breath. "No one's supposed to worry! It makes everything worse." Patton moved his hand off of Janus', climbing his way to the head of his bed. " _ I _ make everything worse…"

  


Janus looked at him for a moment in disbelief. "You… you really think that?" Janus climbed up with him, sitting cross-legged directly in front of Patton. "Because I'll have you know, that is not true."   
  
"Yes it is! I always cause problems for Thomas, and I never solve any of them because I'm so fucking  _ worthless! _ " Patton's sobs echoed throughout the room. Janus was unsure how to respond without making things worse.

  


"Patton… If…" Janus met Patton's teary eyes. "Let's say you… do cause all the problems. I don't believe you do, but as this is a metaphor I'm making up as of right now, so it isn't exactly as perfect as I wish it to be. Let's say you do. Doesn't that always get more problems solved than before?"

  


"I… I mean, yeah, but I'm still causing problems…"

  


"But you also  _ solve _ them, Patton. Sure, you may not solve the exact problems you wish to solve, but you always solve problems. And all that problem solving? First of all, that's Logan's job," Janus could have sworn he just saw a hint of a smile on Patton's face, "And second, that means you deserve a break."

  


"But I don't… 

  


"Yes. You do. You deserve to care for yourself. I know that changes a lot about your perception of reality, and I don't exactly expect you to change immediately much less be open to changing, however… You deserve to take care of yourself."

  


"But why? Why do I deserve it? As far as I know, I always mess things up, and why would I deserve anything good if that's all I do?"

  


"Patton, you… You deserve it. for being you, doing what you do. All of your emotions, bottled up for hours until we can solve whatever problem Thomas is having, or keeping them buried just so you can make sure everyone else is happy? If that's not deserving of self-care, I don't know what is."

  


"I-" Patton almost didn't want to admit it. Janus was  _ right.  _ More tears ran down his face, not tears of sadness, but tears of gratitude. Tears of thanks. For Janus. 

  


"Patton, I…" Janus was about to apologize for making Patton cry again, but was interrupted by a tight hug from Patton.

  


"T-thank you… Janus. I… really needed that." Patton sobbed into his shoulder for what felt like hours. The only thing that could be heard was Patton's sobs and Janus' soft breaths. They fell asleep in that position, holding each other, tangled up on Patton's bed. I

  
Sure, Patton wouldn't exactly be able to open up about his emotions  _ immediately.  _ Janus didn't expect that. Janus just wanted Patton to be happy without having to put on a fake smile. And if this was the first step, Janus would not be reluctant to help Patton again.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr and/or twitter @drowsysanders to scream about them with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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